History & Mission : We've Been Given Wings: Yet, We Use Them to Sweep the Streets

by: Theresa Martin, Executive Director

This mission began when I was handed the Italian copy of the Rule for Married Couple Groups by St. John Paul II (written when he was Cardinal Wojtyła) in the book Bellezza e spiritualità dell’amore coniugale, and the director said to me as she handed me this book: “this has been waiting for you.”

Honestly, the mission actually began when we were engaged 24 years ago and felt called to put our marriage at the service of the Church, but we needed 20 years of preparation and experience, which is probably due to how thick-headed we can be! But the mission was given extreme clarity when we received a copy of the Rule. 

Realizing the profound gift this was, the more I researched it for my dissertation, the more Peter and I both were astounded by the simplicity and depth within it. After I graduated, we felt called to follow his Rule and share it with others. Yet, we did not feel worthy of this and, sort of, put it off. However, if you have any experience with the Holy Spirit nudges, it is like a toddler saying: “mom? mom? mom? mom? mom? mom? mom? mom? mom?” Even if you ignore them, eventually you have to say, “yes! okay! fine!” And we did! We formed a group and began following the Rule all the while trusting in St. John Paul II and his genius.

What did we find? Once we published the book and had leader couple training so others could follow it too, couples who followed the Rule began to feel a new level of love, unity, and joy—in their marriages and their lives! And we were no exception! Even though Peter and I had been working on our own marriage for 19 years, communicating intentionally and purposefully, and giving marriage retreats and talks, and by all standards, had an exceptional marriage, God took us to a whole new level of union and love. And our joy just keeps growing! We never knew what we were missing and other couples are experiencing the exact same reality. 

This led us to ask, why is this working so well? What is happening here? In pursuit of answers, I find myself back in graduate school as a doctoral student. What I have found thus far has already been profound! Marriage has more to offer than we can imagine. Just as a person can grow in their love of God and their personal relationship with God all their life and there is no end to this growth, so too, can a couple grow in their conjugal spirituality with God! And that “not being divorced” is much too low of a bar for marriage. 

In a conversation with his close friend Prof. Stanisław Grygiel, St. John Paul II said, “It is as if God has given us wings and we use them to sweep the streets.” We have spiritual wings through the sacrament of marriage! And yet we haven't learned to use them to their greatest potential. St. John Paul II’s Rule is a gentle way to learn to spiritually soar. We were all made in the image and likeness of God, who is a Communion of Divine Persons. The personhood of God is a giving of self. From all eternity to all eternity, God the Father is giving His life and love to God the Son and God the Son is receiving this and giving His life and love back to the Father. And together, their love is so perfectly united that it is another Divine Person, the Holy Spirit. God is not a stagnant, autonomous dictator, but a vibrant communion of love! Our human personhood, in reflection of God, must also be a gift of self in love. This giving of ourselves away in love, then, is actually the fulfillment of our nature. What does that mean? That means, even though it seems contrary to human understanding, we become more of who we were made to be when we give ourselves way in love. One might think: ‘If I give myself away there will be nothing left.’ Yet, in God’s plan, the more you give yourself away in love, the more you become the best version of yourself, fulfilling your personhood. 

We are meant to be in connection with others, meant to be dependent on others and they on us. This modern society isolates people as individuals and in doing so, fractures our personhood. St. John Paul II said it is like shattered glass, unable to reflect the image of God. 

This is true in all Christian friendships, but there is something especially unique in marriage. There is a new relationship formed in the sacrament of marriage between God and the spouses, spiritually united as one. This new relationship is called the couple’s conjugal spirituality. And St. John Paul II said that this union could be so great that they have one interior life.

So, what is happening in following the Rule? Our personhood is that deepest part of ourselves: who we are. It is not what we do or where we work or what we accomplish. When couples follow the Rule, they are accessing communication on the level of personhood. They take time to help fulfill the deepest need of their spouse: to be fully known and fully loved. And when a person feels known and loved, their personhood is reintegrated, those wings begin to stretch. 

In following the Rule, this brilliant Saint has given us a gentle path to reintegrating our personhood, to reforming that mirror so we can better image the face and love of God. And when we reflect God more clearly, the love and joy radiates effortlessly and we begin to soar!